Reading The Cards

Tomorrow, oh tomorrow... Sometimes I fear waking up from a nights sleep, Not knowing if this new day will be worse than the last. What cards shall I be dealt, what evils shall I face.

 This Is a battle that we face every day. I am not alone in this situation nor shall I ever be. The Joker is the card of deceit a character that has been the focus of many films, plays and books for decades.More often than not it seems that lots of us are getting dealt a bad hand in these times.

In many card games the Joker can be a disaster and cause havoc and failure. Yet in some games it is the key to success and triumph. Getting dealt a bad hand doesn't always have to mean your Screwed.

So what the heck does this mean for the survivalist or prepper? (sorry I'm trying not to curse because I dropped a few big f bombs in my last few Fuckin posts).  Don't want to piss off the good god fairing folks..

Thinking ahead and using whatever tools or resources you have available and adapting is a major key to survival. Turning junk into jewelry, water into wine, sh**# into Shineola ect, ect. Military and groups or AGENCY'S have been using a related tactic against more powerful enemies for ages.

Strength in its self creates pride and security which in turn creates negligence and weakness. The Vietnam War was a perfect example of this in some ways. Instead of feeling defeat the week are often forced to re adapt by using that weakness as a weapon.

Getting a joker can be a gift but we may just have to evaluate our hand and wait for the right opportunity to  benefit from it.Choosing to see setbacks as an open window for progress can make anyone a more prolific leader. Look at the situation from many different angles if possible get different opinions. Try your best to think logically and use feelings as a reference and not a puppeteer.
Negativity can lead to lack of effort, Lack of effort can in turn lead to loss of will. Loss of will may ultimately lead to Defeat.

Surviving is keeping the mind open to choices and changing the outcome of the game. Being a great survivalist can in turn make for a better prepper and vise-verse.

No matter the hand you have been dealt its how you choose to play the cards that may win the game when SHTF.

Meliorism

The Belief that the world gets better that humans can improve the world.

THE IDES OF MARCH 2 (short)

In honor of my worst enemy “March” I have decided to write this. It is against my better judgement but im doing it out of respect for my family and friends. And also so that my followers can get to know a little bit more about me as a person.
This will be a long read..

2005

In 1974 I was 2 years old and diagnosed with Type1 Diabetes. I struggled with it all my life. In 2005 i was diagnosed with Gastroparesis and Diabetic Neuropathy. And was determined permanently disabled and put on social security. I was a very hard and stubborn worker and this decision devastated me but I didn’t give up (never fucking give up!!!) . I had two wonderful sons a stepdaughter and beautiful girlfriend who i intended to marry and needed me.  Though very sick i did everything i could to provide both mental and financial support for the people i loved so much, with a big goofy smile on my face. My girlfriend was very strong loving and worked hard to be supportive in every possible way as well ( she was my fucking rock). Yes we struggled but it was a Time that tried us and made us even stronger as a family.  We pushed on…..

2006 Mom

Years had passed and things had gotten somewhat more stable for us. My mother however had gotten an infection in 2006 that nearly took her life. she was in a comma for two months and had her leg amputated from the streptococcus A virus. she was around 60 at this point. She and my much younger brother were relocated near me so that i could help take care of  her. The pressure was on, sick mom, sick me and the finances and exterior support were few and far between. 

2012 Dad

My father who had been separated from my mother for 40 yrs and re-married. He and i had re- established our relationship and become BFF’S. Most of the reason our relationship was less then perfect was my fault prior to this. I was a rebellious teenager and stubborn. We both banned together to help my mother try to pull through. Both of my parents were very well respected and important civil rights activist throughout the 70’s and 80’s. And were in positions of high power in their fields (This is a novel in itself).
My Dad had also become somewhat ill which until now i did not know to what extent. He spared me this info, he is a strong selfless man. 

Feb 2012

Mom had been in and out of the hospital she had become an alcoholic and had given up on her fight. The phone calls for help were constant, painful and trying to say the least.  Most of me and the wifeys time was spent driving the 30 mile stretch to make sure she was ok. Food, meds, hugs love and support. I tell mom ” I love you don’t die on me i need you”.  Her house was being taken along with her strength and will.  Visiting her resembled a horror movie in a crack house and brought me to tears every time.

Late Feb

Dad calls…He sounded sad and in tears he says to me ” I wish i could have been a better father if i had died a few years ago you would have been rich and could help out your mom. This scared the fuck out of me (NOT MY DAD). throughout my entire life he had never spoken to me in this way. Not you man you are are what keeps me going, My strength my support..stop that shit….(Tears).

Around February 27

The phone rings its Cindy my fathers longtime girlfriend. Cindy:  ”your father is in intensive care i found him on the floor unable to move”. He had been that way for days he had the phone but refused to call for help. Hes dying they say he may not make it threw the night……Damn!!!
Pack clothes, find someone to watch young kids, drive the 400 miles to the hospital. We arrive..family friends everywhere and love. Hes in a seduced coma and on life support. Two days pass I spend private time with him apologizing for not being a better son and telling him everything will be ok. My sisters and other family members do the same. On march first after 12:00 am he dies.
Next morning i decide to take a walk i think about everything and all the wonderful gifts my father had given me through his love for me.
The phone rings its mom, Mom in tears: I’m sorry about your father. I loved him very much and he loved you very much. Mom:  ” I’m in intensive care I may be dying”. 

Early March

We stay at my fathers and attend the service. During this time i stay in touch with mom. We head back home after clearing things up at my fathers residences.
Home, Mom is now in a drug induced coma. My mother fights for three plus weeks in and out of consciousness. In a moment of conciseness she says to me ” Im worried about your son and your brother”. I tell her, Mom i will do 150% to make sure they are ok and live great lives.  All of us had been in and out of hospitals for over a month. I had no choice but to return to work the next day scrubbing toilets for chump change at this point literally. On march 31st Hospice calls and says your mother just passed early this morning while you were at work. This will haunt me for the rest of my life. I had tried and tried to make sure i was there for her when it was over.

A year passes and I’m a hot mess. Depression sets in and i myself look to the bottom of a bottle for help (really bad idea). I did receive life insurance and IRA’s from my parents but not a ton. Bills are backed up and life’s a struggle to say the least. Most of the money I gave to friends and family that i felt needed it more than I. Plus now i had my younger brother living with me because my mothers house was foreclosed on and taken. I got a tv and that was good enough for me.
In 2013 my physical and mental health were both falling apart. After frequent doctor visits i was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus. Yippy god thanks, lets see what else you can throw at me. I make bad decisions and let myself become a victim of self pity but I pushed on and handled business.
Ever other month a shut off notice was posted on the door for something and we went that Christmas without water and electricity. The stress that this put on whifey was unfair. 

End of 2013

Our relationship had become brittle to say the least, I was a drunken mess. Whifey was having health problems that were getting worse and the doctor suggested an MRI. um cool but no health insurance, $5000 plus. She got help and scraped the money together (very strong smart women).  Two days later we went to the doctor to find out what was going on. Doctor: "Do you have insurance and good support?"….. I’m sorry but it appears that you are in the late stages of Multiple Sclerosis. Mam you need to act quickly you have multiple lesions on your brain. You may end up paralyzed and blind within months. No!!! No!!! No!!!... Till this day she does not know that I came home drunk that night and had a loaded 12 gauge in my mouth. I’m sorry I gave up honey.
The fact that she needed me now more than I needed her was what made me put the gun down. 

Our medical bills were at a gastronomic level. Within a few months she left me for someone else. I do not blame her. I believe that she did not want to put me through the pain of taking care of her and watching her suffer. Especially with my health condition and mental state. I love you and I always will and I think about you every day and my failure with you is what is helping me to become a better stronger man…Im Sorry.

The past few years we have lost everything, I’m broke loosing the house as i type this and because of my bad choices I now owe the IRS ca-thousands of dollars. This is because of my poor negligence with the IRA's and dispensing the money to people that needed it . I struggle just to put food in our mouths on a daily basis and spend most of my time in hospitals and doctors offices. But as terrible position I'm in   I SMILE EVERY DAY and try and try to make things better and help others in the process. I NEVER FORGET EVERY DAY THAT YOU WAKE UP IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO MOVE FORWARD. and there are always people worse off than you.
(THE IDES OF MARCH)

Forgive me followers if my post are sporadic and inconsistent. I love blogging and I appreciate you interest and loyalty. I’m doing my best but I have a lot on my plate and must try to get myself out of this huge hole I have dug. Survival is day to day with me now and testing every bit of my mental strength. My true love of survival and prepping has been put to a halt for a while. I will keep on this and update this blog as much as psychically possible.
Thank you.

Steps to Surviving with Others (self discovery03)

In my last Self Discovery entry we touched upon figuring out who we are as far as our reactions to stressful situations are concerned. By now some you may be thinking "what the hell does it matter. I didn't visit this dam site for a counseling session. Well there is a point and that is achieving our goals as efficiently and safely as possible.

Here's the facts: trying to change other people can be a waist of time and precious energy and 99% of the time ends up in failure. Adapting our self to a situation and to other people will produce a much higher success rate. A large portion of society has serious control issues and feels threatened when their control is put in the line of fire. Someone who feels threatened can quickly turn from an ally to a possible vengeful enemy. Knowing were you fit in and the limitations of your abilities is more productive for you and the rest of your group and in turn my gain valuable allies or friendships.

In self discover part two we went over a simple math approach to figuring out what our average response is to stress. Now we have to learn when to engage and when to step back or adapt based upon this discovery.

Cool, now I get to tell a story..

Once upon a time a long time ago when I was just a young lad, lol, ok sorry I wont tell it fairy-tail style. I'm pretty confident your not my 7 year old son.

In the late 90's a friend and I started a private security company called shawnesee Security. Our company consisted of around 30 people: military, gang members, yes I said gang members and professional and non-professional martial artist. All different races, upbringings and financial statuses. Let me tell you we were a very non typical group of people back then.

Our company was for hire for anything from individual home protection to working riot and crowd control. So maybe your thinking were does the riot part come in. A large amount of our customers were and still are in the hardcore music venue, so pit control sometimes with very large crowds. For those of you who have never seen a mosh pit. Imagine a circle of a few hundred hyper and pissed off pre-adults. Some juiced up on alcohol, energy drinks and often many other drugs to top it off. Dancing full contact and throwing kicks and punches at the same time.To add to this ticking time bomb there were often groups / clicks and gangs present. Dealing with a bunch of hardened criminals was easier and considerably safer, trust me I've dealt with both.

Believe it or not there is a kind of respect of unwritten rules within these pits. Minor or unintentional injury is common place and totally acceptable. Intentional injury or major damage infliction however, is cause for a fight or worse. Sometimes bad people that know the rules are there deliberately to take an opportunity to inflict harm in the mist of chaos. This event just happens to be one of those times. Two guys both with groups of friend who had previous conflicts decided this would be a great time to do each other in.

Having such a variety of different skills and personality's seems like it would be a very problematic management issue.The training procedures for a new security member of our group lasted around 2 months. Sixty percent of which consisted of self awareness training. The other 30% was learning group awareness skills. Group awareness training pretty much consisted of us beating the crap out of each other. This was done respectfully after dinner and a few beers. That may sound bad but learning each others abilities is key to the success of this type of organised security.

Within the group of assigned personal there was a hierarchy of command. This is common place in the security business. This one however differed in that it was a rotating chain of command or tap out as we called it. Every one of our security personal was taught leadership skills. yet at any given event only one lead officer was calling the shots for any active confrontation or problem.

Here is an example of how this system worked.  Our team is hired to work a hardcore show. Its a good size crowd and the Pit or mosh pit has formed. We have eight officers assigned to the pit. Four in uniform on the outside (inactive) watching and listening for problems. Another four (active) in plain clothing within the pit itself. This group is what we call Leads. Their purpose is to help maintain stability of the pit area by action and distraction. The four inactive officers are the evac / safety group. Their job is to disperse the crowd and prevent unwanted exterior intervention.

 The four gentlemen that we had as pit leads were: Rob a former Skin Head, Jim a martial arts instructor and certified nut case, Dusty (USMC) and myself  at the time acting floor boss. Initially Rob spotted the two groups standing off (like a 12 o'clock showdown) and signaled to the the rest of us. In many security scenarios this signal would activate a group rush or show of force and intimidation. Not for us, Robs signal simply meant that he was going to intervene. At this point Rob became the acting lead officer. He calls the shots and just needs to find a distraction method to gain a point of entry. He has already sized up the two groups involved and is ready to make his move.

To be Continued.....Ah isn't that irritating.
If I finish the story and cover everything at once it will be a very long read. The average attention span on an individual internet site is around 10 minutes now (much longer for porn). You still have more to see on my blog.  Besides I want you to visit so much you feel at home. So Ill get the popcorn and drinks ready for; Steps to Surviving with Others (self discovery 03-II).

Steps to Surviving with Others (self discovery02)

In part two we will dive deeper into figuring out how we respond to different situations. This is the first part in a process of learning how to correctly use our abilities to solve problems that we may encounter.

Enemy of The State

Shoot out scene

In the above clip is a famous shootout scene were our hero (Will Smith) has set up a meeting with a Mob boss and the N.S.A. In this particular situation He used two on going problems and combined them to get explosive results. Of course in the end it works out in his favor (That's Hollywood for you!).

Just a mental note, I would not recommend this type of conflict resolution unless there was absolutely no other possibilities. Like i said, "that's Hollywood" and your actual chances of  walking away from that without collateral damages or fatality is 1 in 1000.

• Step 1: Just Who the Hell am I 

This is the most important and key step to figuring out what tools we have available inside our toolbox we call a brain. Everyone's toolbox is filled with different tools and accessories.  For some it may just be filled with a large lump of shit. That's ok, shit makes fertilizer and promotes growth when processed right.

How do I deal with stressful and intense situations? Do I become angry and aggressive or have a tendency to withdraw and become passive. we have all seen an action movie or two were the big climax scene is a standoff between good and evil. Often in films the fight comes to a breaking point. Sweat and tension builds both sides are tired and injured. Yet negotiations may start to be thrown out on the table.
We always called this the calm before the storm (back in the good old days).

In many cases we are lead to believe that everything will work out peacefully....but then. Here comes that guy or girl: the one who lost all the money, had a bad day at work, caught his wife with the neighbor or just had a bad fucking week. He or she has their own agenda and comes out guns blazing and gets everyone killed in the process, except for the hero of course.

So which one are you; the smart cunning hero, the angry its all about me guy, the I want to run the other way person or none of the above.

This is what we have to discover. One of the best ways that has worked for me is to take mental notes. when I get involved in a conflict at work or with a family member. Going back over the situation when the feelings involved have passed and breaking it down step by step. By doing this it enables me to get a better understanding of what was going through my mind at the time. I always remember that feelings have a direct and often bad impact on achieving my goal. Even for the well educated and trained person self reflection is ongoing and can and should last a lifetime.

This breakdown method can be used in all aspects of life. Not just in the climactic shoot out scene which hopefully most of us will never encounter.


Once enough incidents have happened over a period of time then its time to do the math. No I'm not going to throw a major college level trigonometry problem at you (I fucking hate math). Just a simple equation of figuring out the Mean / average of how I respond in stressful encounters. For this purpose we have to relate our feelings to responses. Here is a picture of a feelings wheel that is a great reference for relationships between feelings.

Tumblr blog 

Anger=aggressive response, Fear=withdraw or escape and passive aggressive=intellectual or problem solving.

This is just my personal choice, you create these feeling relationships how ever you see fit.I can already hear the tough guys now "I don't feel fear!". Uuum, bullshit, if you don't  feel fear than your an N.B.C or sociopath and you should seek help (fear hides itself within anger sometimes).

 I tried to make this as simple as possible for my needs. The more variables you add the more complicated the math of course.

Ok so, by using our average  basically out of 10 stress related incidents I responded: aggressively 6 times, passive aggressively 3 times and withdrew once.  My results 60% / 30% / 10%, So I'm pretty much an asshole most of the time, lol. Some of your results may surprise you or maybe you knew them already. Remember the object is to figure out how to funnel our individual skills correctly. This is just a step its not meant for judgement. Every good survivalist knows that everything has its use for something. That's the purpose of this Self Discovery series.

Next: Self Discovery Part 3 (Turning shit into shineola)

In part 3 we will talk about our average responses and learning to target them accurately within a conflict. 

Steps to Surviving With Others (Self Discovery01)

A fight for dominance

Throughout our lives we all go through our battles. Some of them are necessary conflicts and some are not. The hard part is determining which ones are productive and non destructive. or can result in a loss or fatality in your behalf. I have chosen this picture of a kangaroo mating battle because it is a great representation of a battle for survival. Two animals fighting (sometimes to the death) for the ability to insure that their genetics remain prevalent. This for their species is a part of the natural process of reproduction. 

Ok so lets change focus to us, I mean humans. I'm assuming if your reading this you are one (this is the fun part). Most of the time we fight for the dumbest and most un-productive shit imaginable. The really stupid thing is that at the time we may believe it is the right thing to do. Why do we feel its right at the time? Its because we are usually: angry, pissed off, enraged, scared, desperate or hurt. 

These feelings are part of our self preserving nature and are great. If they are used correctly that is. If they are abused or not understood they can cause disaster.  Feelings interfere with logic and greatly change the way we interact with our surroundings. In any survival situation this can mean the difference between success or failure. 

It is up to you to figure out different ways to deal with your feelings. It takes training and a lot of self awareness to hone in on the proper use of feelings. Here is a link to a simple article about dealing with conflict (How to diffuse an argument).

In part 2 of Self Discovery I will dig further into different ways to figure out just who we are as individuals and methods to start utilizing our individual talents.