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Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Steps to Surviving with Others (self discovery02)

In part two we will dive deeper into figuring out how we respond to different situations. This is the first part in a process of learning how to correctly use our abilities to solve problems that we may encounter.

Enemy of The State
Shoot out scene

In the above clip is a famous shootout scene were our hero (Will Smith) has set up a meeting with a Mob boss and the N.S.A. In this particular situation He used two on going problems and combined them to get explosive results. Of course in the end it works out in his favor (That's Hollywood for you!).

Just a mental note, I would not recommend this type of conflict resolution unless there was absolutely no other possibilities. Like i said, "that's Hollywood" and your actual chances of  walking away from that without collateral damages or fatality is 1 in 1000.

  • Step 1: Just Who the Hell am I 
This is the most important and key step to figuring out what tools we have available inside our toolbox we call a brain. Everyone's toolbox is filled with different tools and accessories.  For some it may just be filled with a large lump of shit. That's ok, shit makes fertilizer and promotes growth when processed right.

How do I deal with stressful and intense situations? Do I become angry and aggressive or have a tendency to withdraw and become passive. we have all seen an action movie or two were the big climax scene is a standoff between good and evil. Often in films the fight comes to a breaking point. Sweat and tension builds both sides are tired and injured. Yet negotiations may start to be thrown out on the table.
We always called this the calm before the storm (back in the good old days).

In many cases we are lead to believe that everything will work out peacefully....but then. Here comes that guy or girl: the one who lost all the money, had a bad day at work, caught his wife with the neighbor or just had a bad fucking week. He or she has their own agenda and comes out guns blazing and gets everyone killed in the process, except for the hero of course.

So which one are you; the smart cunning hero, the angry its all about me guy, the I want to run the other way person or none of the above.

This is what we have to discover. One of the best ways that has worked for me is to take mental notes. when I get involved in a conflict at work or with a family member. Going back over the situation when the feelings involved have passed and breaking it down step by step. By doing this it enables me to get a better understanding of what was going through my mind at the time. I always remember that feelings have a direct and often bad impact on achieving my goal. Even for the well educated and trained person self reflection is ongoing and can and should last a lifetime.

This breakdown method can be used in all aspects of life. Not just in the climactic shoot out scene which hopefully most of us will never encounter.

Once enough incidents have happened over a period of time then its time to do the math. No I'm not going to throw a major college level trigonometry problem at you (I fucking hate math). Just a simple equation of figuring out the Mean / average of how I respond in stressful encounters. For this purpose we have to relate our feelings to responses. Here is a picture of a feelings wheel that is a great reference for relationships between feelings.

Tumblr blog 

Anger=aggressive response, Fear=withdraw or escape and passive aggressive=intellectual or problem solving.

This is just my personal choice, you create these feeling relationships how ever you see fit.I can already hear the tough guys now "I don't feel fear!". Uuum, bullshit, if you don't  feel fear than your an N.B.C or sociopath and you should seek help (fear hides itself within anger sometimes).

 I tried to make this as simple as possible for my needs. The more variables you add the more complicated the math of course.

Ok so, by using our average  basically out of 10 stress related incidents I responded: aggressively 6 times, passive aggressively 3 times and withdrew once.  My results 60% / 30% / 10%, So I'm pretty much an asshole most of the time, lol. Some of your results may surprise you or maybe you knew them already. Remember the object is to figure out how to funnel our individual skills correctly. This is just a step its not meant for judgement. Every good survivalist knows that everything has its use for something. That's the purpose of this Self Discovery series.

Next: Self Discovery Part 3 (Turning shit into shineola)

In part 3 we will talk about our average responses and learning to target them accurately within a conflict. 

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